Quite a significant day today. Got a call from SH about him and his people being quite interested in the idea, generally making me feel chuffed. I didn’t think I would be mentally prepared to confront a fork in the road quite so soon, or have the decisiveness to flip open my Swiss-knife and cut the umbilical cord. But as the prospect has drawn closer (whether or not I am to take the plunge), I am struck by the absence of withdrawal pangs, bringing home to me that what I took to be emotional attachment was little more than a sense of cushy and smug complacency, which is heavy ballast for vision and ambition.
I suppose witnessing so many endings around me in such a short space of time impressed upon me how sandcastles built over decades are washed away by the casual wave in a matter of seconds. I could either remain in cruise control mode, and let things ride while I get rustier and clunkier by the day, or I could shake myself up, limber-up the stiff muscles, and do a bit of whirling and twirling. The latter proposition calls for getting in the driver’s seat myself in pursuit of the big agenda, rather than trusting a driver whose sleepiness is becoming increasingly alarming.
On the other hand (indulging my compulsion to equivocate), even if I am to not jump on the bus this time, the whole experience cannot have been other than salutary. There is psychological magic in a good BATNA….reminds me of Gussie Finknottle… My frames of reference have irreversibly shifted.
I told SH about the little thorn in my side – relating to the ethical dimension of some of the more arcane aspects of the science. I found his response quite cogent (offered to set up a chat with their leading scientists), but still need to do research to leave no shreds of doubt.
Reading the above I realize how compulsively encrypted it sounds. I guess I will have to make a decision soon – either continue in this elliptical and metaphysical tone, concealing the plot and sounding bizarre, or start taking a few risks now and then.
Notes to Self 
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